Lost in Thought

Babysitting: A Survival Story

2009-05-23T16:44:00.001-07:00

AND in other [unrelated] news:

I like coffee!

WOO!!

So I'm back. 22 hours of babysitting and I live to tell the tale; which is probably not all that surprising but what you WILL find surprising is The Child is also alive and good health.

(Smiles even. What a soldier.)

Unfortunately, there was one who could not endure.

It's my fault really, I was hard. Demanding Even. Required too much attention, too much support, pushing the limits. I took it for granted, not realizing that we were a team.

Give and Take both ways....like

Peanut Butter & Jelly.

Milk & Cookies.

Lionel & his blankey.

We needed each other but I did not fulfill* (*seriously, I tried like 13 different ways to spell that damn word!) (Thank you spellcheck. Kisses!) my end of the bargain and my partner took the fall.

Not literally thank God,

jeez, I'm not that negligent!

It was more of a mental breakdown, if you will.

I wasn't worried at first.

I can fix this! No problem.

I was confident.

Maybe too confident.

An hour later the panic set in. I tried everything.

Scapula? Check.

Go-Go-Gadget Hat? Check.

Ibufrofen? Check.

Big Gulp of Caffeinated Coffee?

Check.

& Checkmate.

WOO!!

...but the damage had been done. I would have to complete my duty flying solo. I ain't gonna lie, a tear was shed for my fallen soldier. (The previous statement is, in fact, a lie.) The remaining hours ticked by slowly...I tried to take my mind off the pain but it was all I could think about.

I didn't even foresee it coming! Had I missed The Signs? Were there signs?

But it was too late. The damage: done.

All I could do was sit. And wait.

...tick-tock, tick tock....

(And eye the bottle of Champagne calling my name.)

(but this was no time to celebrate.

This was a time of grief. Of mourning.)

...And waited some more....

no more "tocks" just ticks!...

(What's up with "babysit Friday night" actually being "babysit Friday night, most of Saturday and adding 2 more kiddies in the mix in the afternoon"?)

...and GROWLS.

(for the record: The little people were perfect angels =)

When I got home I immediately began intensive surgery. For a while I thought it was no use, it was *gulp* over but I persisted, desperation fueling me and

VOILA!!!

WHOMP!! THERE IT IS!!

My iPhone lives!

No more tears =)

SHAKALAKA! SHAKALAKA!

(stop snickering iPhone Haters! The iPhone is still THE BEST!)

(And I think it's a sign from the Apple Gods that I neeeed to get the newest iPhone when it comes out.)

This post was brought to you by Coffee! WOO!

Blame it on the caf-cu-cu-caf-cucu-caffeine!

bee-tee-dubs, I'm considering switching to decaf....=)

Who's a Champ? I'm a Champ. (yea, I said it)

2009-05-20T12:45:00.001-07:00

Guess who just made their first Cup of Joe!

I did.

That's right, Coffee Success!

It only took me a 30 minutes from start to finish.

(2 minutes of that time was brewing time.

Coffee is a Speed Demon.)

***** ***** *****

Who knew we keep coffee in the FRIDGE. The FRIDGE?! Hello, it's in the cupboard on the Foldgers commercials!

(Heh, heh, I knew it too... The Fridge, duh. First place I looked...silly Foldgers trying to pull the wool over our sleepy eyes, you didn't fool me for a second.)

And there's like all kinds of parts and stuff once you open the little lid thingy. A world of gizmos & gadgets taunt you like little Circus Monkeys.

Frame. Filtration Disk. Disk Cover. Basket. Pots. Filters. (Oh my!)

All those cryptic numbers on the pot. (WTF?)

What do they mean?! I cried, shaking my fists at the ceiling sky.

The Coffee Can gives me measurements by OUNCES and TABLESPOONS. So then there's conversions....WHAT?!

What is this Rocket Science?!

COFFEE is all I ask of you!!

Not travel to infinity and beyond(!) and Twitter me updates, pictures and answering the age old question of Is there life on other planets What Are You Doing Right Now? (I'm pretty sure even astronauts are using Twitter these days.)

Coffee!! I just NEED some Coffee!

I NEEEED IT!

GimmeGimmeGimme!

*ahem*

And then there was my iPhone, like a Knight in Shining Armor (that practically screams, for I shall rescue thou) (or "slide to unlock") galloping in on a white horse Stallion (named Google. Very Stallion-like, yes?) coming to rescue me in my helpless Coffee-less despair from the VICIOUS FIRE-BREATHING Dragon (Let's call this evil monster Mr. Coffee, shall we?).

After my iPhone Knight In Shining Armor battled Mr. Coffee, it turned out that Mr. Coffee was not so evil or dragon-like after-all, just misunderstood, like so many of us. (I think it was ICan'tFigureThisShitOut Syndrome) (Yes, that's the techjnical medical term for it)

He was more of a toad once you got to know him. A toad that turned into the Prince of Caffe-Merica.

Now understood, the Prince then dropped the "Mr." and unflattering Circus Monkey/Rocket Scientist/Dragon routine and is now totally down-to-Earth "Regular Joe" kind of guy who goes by Joe Coffee (or Cup-Of-Joe if you're into pet names)

And we spend the morning (figuratively speaking)

Happily Caffeinated After....

And THAT Ladies & Gentlemen is what I call Coffee Success!

Pongin' It In Beer Stylie

2009-03-23T16:02:00.001-07:00

I played Beer Pong for the first time this weekend.

(that's right, first. time. played. And the answer is yes. Yes I do live under a rock thank you.)

(but My rock is Super Fantastic I. Will. Have. You. Know.)

It'll likely be my last time I play seeing as- I suck at it.

(Big time suck.)

....Unless of course you count making into my own cup.

...or regular cups...

...or empty cups...

...or the rinse cups...

...Just not the cups I actually aim for, if those cups were the Gold Standard I would KICK ASS in a Super Fantastic way at Beer Pong.

But NotSoMuch.

I'm convinced that the ball had it's own agenda, like it was possessed or something.

Possessed by a....

...a...

a poltergeist!

That's it!!

A Ping Pong Poltergeist!!

Who Knew?

That little maniac needs to be exorcisted or something I tell ya!

Bust out the holy water!

Say some prayers!

Drink some wine!

(FYI, Wine is holy and it works best when ingested)

(Hey I don't make the rules, I just live by them...)

(Okay, I make up the rules sometimes...but you gotta admit-the wine one. The Wine One is Golden!)

Twilight: Don't Do It.

2009-03-03T13:42:00.001-08:00

I get it now. It hasnt even been 24 hours, I'm on chapter 5 of Twilight and I have suspicians that this book is made entirely out of crack coccaine that is absorbed through the eyes and the brain and your fingers and becomes increasingly strongr with each word. In fact I'm pretty sure if I licked the pages...well it's not my book and I DO have a smidge of self control left in me (somewhere).

I'm dying here at work not being able to read on and find out what happens a next! I'm tempted to buy the damn book on Stanza so that I can read it on my phone under the guise of texting or whatver it is my boss thinks I'm doing on my Magical iPhone.

Also I think I'm in love. His name is iPhone and he's perfect and he rocks my world. It may be a tie between iPhone and Edward Cullen.

iPhone made of crack too? I'm thinking yes. Hell yes.

I'm in serious need of a Geeksorcism. Heaven help me.

Sent from my iPhone.

To Vegas or NOT To Vegas.

2009-02-04T10:18:00.000-08:00

Sunday night one of my friends invited me to Vegas this weekend.

I initially didn't want to go since this one friend in particular (let's call her Ms. Beachery) (she likes the beach, I think.) (Everybody likes the beach.) has not been the nicest gal lately and is into the drama like Hollywood is Botox.

However, since said invite a faint chanting of vegas, vegas, vegas... turned into a full on shout, so my weekend is set. VEGAS BABY!

How could I refuse?

I'm sure Ms. Beachery will warm up, it being her birthday and (hello!) being in Vegas! What's not to love!

Right?

Yes.

And if not, whatev. I'll be caught up in a wonderous whirlwind that is Vegas (!) and drunken oblivion where HappyTime is had by all. Or just by me, I can never really tell at that point.

I Like the Beeswax.

2009-02-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

This weekend I lost every single Chapstick that I own even the emergency back ups.

(No thank you drunken nights.)

Already about to swipe my credit card at the grocery store today I remembered and grabbed the closest stick of anti-chapped lips in arms reach.

If you work in an office you know: lunchtime is crunchtime, no time to go gallavanting around the store -in heels, no less

It happened to be a 3 dollar stick of Burts Bees Beeswax Lip Balm. 3 dollars! For chapstick. My usual Cherry Chapstick is about a buck, maybe 2. We're in a recession! My hours are cut! I can get THREE Cherry Chapsticks for that!

All I could do was sigh, swipe and get back to work. (Chapped lips are not to be ignored.) (And Solitaire awaits me.)

The Beeswax of Burt lived up to it's hype. I'm a fan.

One sweep of the lips and my lips were cool and fresh and soft.

Good job Burt. Your Beeswax is good.

I just spent $40 in iTunes, $40 get my car wash/waxed but 3 dollar chapstick, I call an outrage!

I may need to rethink my priorities...or maybe I just need a drink.

A Mango Cadillac Margarita (slushy style cuz it's a hot day) from El Torito is what I was really wanting for lunch today. No chips 'n salsa for me. Just the drink please.

They really should have To Go cups.

Or I can pour the Marggey in a Big Gulp Cup, it would totally pass as a Slurpee.

Fantabulous Friday!

2009-01-30T13:23:00.000-08:00

Fridays are generally good. All of them. It marks the end of the work week and the start of the weekend. (and if you don't love weekends - I don't know you)

I woke up late today (hardly unusual) and didn't have time for breakfast. This is normally cause for grumpiness (I'm unpleasant when I'm hungry.) ('Unpleasant' is an understatement.) ('Understatement' also being an understatement.) but today I held my head up high because I had 4 purchases on iTunes just waiting to jump out of my iPhone and soothe my soon to be famished soul.

I'm also nearing the end of Dracula so there's that too. (I love that you can read books on the iPhone! How unacceptable would it be if I had a full on book at my desk; A book with pages to turn and stuff- my wherewolf *ahem* Supervisor would have a field day!) (Full Moon Night?)

Actually, he's not very aggressive. You know how SpiderMan is like SPIDERMAN-all saving the world (or just New York City) and stuff and his alter ego is this weenie boy of a man Peter Parker? It's like that. Except in his case the whole dressing up as a WhereWolf thing is seasonal (as far as I know...or even want to know for that matter!) and high schoolers and middle schoolers...and grown-ups aren't always nice (understatement) to the minimum wage monsters...okay, he's nothing like any superheros just the weenie alter egos. I digress.

I knew today was going to be a particularly good Friday when there were bagels (BAGELS!) in the kitchen! I don't know about you but I love me some bread! And bagels? Num, num, num...

And have you been reading the blogs today?! Normally Fridays aren't the best day for the Blogosphere (don't you love how you can just insert 'blog' into anyword and make it blogworthy? Oh look, you can add it to words too!) (I'm a dork. I know this.) but today, today it seems like everyblog I've read is super funny and/or interesting! And make me want to jump out of my seat and shout "YES!" while pointing with a [toothepaste commercial sized] [or Mentos commercial] smile at the computer. (Not the "Bob" smile though-that's too much smile.)

I'm hoping that my debit and credit cards are waiting for me in my mailbox when I get home. Actually, I'm counting on it because of said iTunes purchases my Gift Card will not last the weekend...

A great jump off for the upcoming weekend, no?

AND it's not been cold as shit lately. (Icing on the cake!)

AND it's PayDay! Sweet Jeezus, the Gods are smiling down on me TODAY! Ooooh Weeee! (Most definately the cherry and whip-cream and chocolate syrup and nuts on the cake!) (With a side of Chocolate Malted Crunch Ice Cream!)

I gotta go buy a Lottery Ticket! Big Money coming my way! I can FEEL it!

Sto Imparando Li Italiano

2009-01-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

Night One of my Conversational Italian class.

I had a bet going with my mom that I would be ("by far") the youngest in the class. I walked into a class of senior citizens and pulled out my phone to text her when I realized that I was 10 minutes early anybody younger than me or even near my age would most certainly not come to class 10 minutes early. (This was out of character for me.) I, myself, consider within the first 5 minutes "early", the first 10 minutes "on-time" and then I stop counting cuz who admits that they are late? Not me. (Clearly.)

After the rest of the class showed, there may be 1 other girl that is around my age but I'm pretty sure that I have a free dinner coming to me in the near future.

So my teacher is nuts. (which I love. Love the characters!)

Toe socks with (non-thong) sandals. Check.
Raggamuffin hairdo that puts my little cousins RaggaMuffin Do after a hard day of 1st grade play to SHAME. Check.
Thick rimmed blue glasses. Check.

She has a cat-earred headband that she wears sometimes too.

She has mad energy that is shooting out her hair (Read: RaggaMuffin Do) and talks a mile a minute stumbling over her words in excitement/"nervousness".

She has no kids, teaches kindergardners, another Italian class and jazzercise. Wow, right? Yes. But it's good because she's goofy and entertaining and if she can teach kindergarders to read than she can most certainly teach me Italian, right? (I'm optimistic.)

What Happened?

2009-01-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

Today is day 4 of no credit/debit cards.

I am a survivor.

Okay, I am surviving off an AmEx gift card that I got for Christmas. Ya, I know, unbelievable right? Nobody, nobody still has gift cards left over from Christmas and especially not one that can be used practically everywhere*. But I do (an exception to the rule? Maybe.) and without it I would be broke out on the streets with a piece of cardboard and an old tin coffee cup that I took from a sleeping Vietnam war vet (or whatever their called) next to the freeway begging for extra change.

Or not. But it’s been tough without my cards. (They’re like my grown-up blanky.)

But I guess you reap what you sowe. (Or something.)

Everybody has their drinks of choice. Mine (lately) are champagne, wine or Margaritas (I love me some Tequila). But Saturday night, already irritated with the meanness of my friend sober was not what I wanted to be, I was getting down to biznaz which (to me) is AMF. Also known as an “Adios Mother F***er” or simply “Adios”, it’s blue, it’s yummy, warms the tummy and well, it’s all in a name, right? Right.

Three (heavy handed) AMF’s later, a shot of Kamikazi, a sudden (turn for the worst)head/stomach change and a flash of realization that I had not eaten dinner and Houston, we have a problem! Immediately started flashing through my mind in big, bright, Vegas-style letters. (Not helping.)

Ugliness ensues…

So anyway, I have a kick ass card case with 4 cards in it: Driver Liscense, Debit Card, Visa, AmEx. In other words, this card case is My World. (Or Grown-Up Blankey. Either way.) Gone. Missing. Shit. Shit. Shit!

Why is it that the most beautiful Sundays gets no love from me because some kind of twisted law of being in your 20’s that I must be hung over in the event of a pretty [Sun]day?

Or does the day just seem pretty in contrast to my mental (read: want to hibernate in a dark cave with my blankey- the non-plastic, non-grown-up, warm, soft and cuddly one.) state?

Either way. This law must be banned. (BANNED!!)

I called my friend. Nothing. I checked all my cards and cancelled them. I freaked out when I heard the balance on my AmEx card. What? Almost $300 I’m only a week into my billing period! Oh. Yeah. All me. (Damn.)

My friends ended up finding my lost goods. (Actually, I’m still missing my Cherry Chapstick but I’m a survivor. I will prevail. AmEx to the rescue!)

Lessons of a Shit-Faced Saturday night:

- Eat before drinking.

- 3 AMF’s is too much for me no matter how much I’ve eaten. Don’t do it.

- Mission: Get Wasted is equivalent to Mission: Fail (oh the irony…). Don’t do it.

- Bitchy friends leads to 3 AMF’s and a Kamikazi which leads to Bad News Bears. Don’t do it.

*I use this term loosely. To my dismay AmEx is not accepted everywhere. Which is a damn shame cuz the card is just so pretty and I get reward points and who doesn't love rewards? (And if you don't love rewards than you are clearly an Alien and I have 29,384,382,028+++ questions for you.)

Maintaining Sanity at the Workplace.

2009-01-23T08:59:00.001-08:00

I got "randomly picked" to do receptionist duties at the end of the day today. I suddenly feel inadequate for the job. I do not wear red lipstick. My credit cards are not maxed out. Maybe I can make up for that by chewing gum loudly, twirling my hair and gossiping on the phone. (And it took me 3 tries to spell "maxed", oddly, there is no "k" or "c". I think I'm getting the [stereotypical] receptionist bug) And I'd have to make up the gossip since I'm listening to:

Biggie, Biggie can't you see sometimes your words just Hypnotize me....

What? I saw the movie last week. I can't help it. (BTW: Good movie.)

Movies inspire me. Kill Bill - Samurai Warrior. Marley & Me - I want a dog. Notorious - a Rapper. Gran Torino - for a week I aspired to be an old, grumpy, racist and super tough white guy. Madagascar....well, you get it. I digress.

So....Biggie is hypnotizing me, not the office gossip. (A girls gotta protect her sanity.) (Thank you iPhone and all your fantasmal apps) Well, not so much gossip as the idiotic/ridiculous conversations that happen. (Although, they are pretty amusing at times, I typically drown them out with music.)

Like any office we have some characters up in here.

Like the 24 year old who acts like he's 9 and goes around the office telling us about his DRAMATIC girlfriend seeking advice (that he never follows). The hyper (donut & cookie loving) Philipino man (I only say that cuz he has an accent) everyweek it seems he has a new thing (photography, a car, computer, biking....).

The dude obsessed with WhereWolves. No joke. Obsessed. 14 years (and counting) of dressing up as a wherewolve and haunting at Knott's Scary Farm, he uses ALL of his vacation time for this particular event. (To work for min. wage, no less.) He legally made his middle name Wolf. His Cubie-wherewolves everywhere. RingTone-Howling. Wherewolf T-shirt EVERYday (even if it's under a button up shirt). Obsessed.

Characters.

You can imagine the off the wall conversations that take place here at the workplace. But no juice. (You can only listen to biking stories and girlfriend drama for so long. That's bicycle BTW.)No interoffice romances, behind the scenes sexscapades or anything of that nature going on. No bickering/catfights like I hear about going on in other offices. This ain't no hen house. (Thank Gawd!) Just bullshit. Idiots here. Ridiculousness there. Drink, sleep, repeat.

Hi my name is S. and I'm addicted to GoldFish. But who isn't?

2009-01-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

I love goldfish.

(*crunch-crunch*)

(And cheez-its.)

(*crunch*)

(And anything else crunchy and cheesey.)

(*crunch-crunch-crunch*)

I'm addicted. Once a box is opened and one tiny little cheesey fish touches my tongue I'M HOOKED. (*crunch-crunch*)My mind is then drowned in thoughts of crunchy, cheesey delisciousness. (*crunch-crunch-crunch*)I cannot be stopped. (*crunch.*)I'm unstoppable. (*crunch-crunch*)I'm like Hungry, Hungry Hippo. (*crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch*)Only I'm not hungry (*crunch*)nor am I a hippo (*crunch*), I'm just addicted to the fish. (*crunch-crunch*) Crunching & chomping away on the deliteful little orange fishies like a fiend. (*crunch-crunch-crunch*)

They're really should be a patch or something. (*crunch-crunch*)

Unemployment: Do It Right!

2009-01-15T15:02:00.000-08:00

As far as I know, we are in a recession and gads of people are losing their jobs. In fact, I know quite a few people who have already lost their job and from what I hear there are more to come. (Make me proud, Obama, turn it around. My 401k is supposed to grow. GROW-as in get Bigger!)

So, riddle me this Batman.

Why is there so much traffic?

(Like how that has to do with Obama and 401k? Me too.)

Going to work: Traffic.

Lunchtime: Traffic.

After work: Traffic.

Traffic. Traffic. Traffic.

Where are these people going? (Hint: Not to work.) Why are they driving on the freeway at the same time as me? They have no right! They are rightless!

Me. Employed. I have the right to drive during peak hours. (The Right!)

(Except on Mondays.)

Stores don’t even open until 9, so where are you going, anyway? In fact, you probably shouldn’t be shopping either. Unemployment only pays a maximum of 90 bucks a day (in California). Just go to Costco and stock up on Top Ramen (and booze). Stop making me all road ragey, you traffic inducers, you!

Get off the freeway! Get on the internet. Start submitting your resume on Monster or CareerBuilder so you can complain with me. Be on my team!

(Or send me funny e-mails, clearly you junk e-mailers are the laid off ones; as Forwards filling up my inbox to the point of annoyment has become a thing of the past.)

(Funny is key. I don't want to pray or cry at work, I do enough of that due to the fact that I'm here at work-nothing more, nothing less. Work is over-rated. But then there are paychecks and it all comes full circle. Point: Gimme a laugh. A good Hardey Har-Har.)

Whatever you do, don't get on the freeway.

Driving wastes gas.

Gas cost money.

Money grows on trees.

No wait, that's not right.

(I did have a dream though. I was a farmer. It was nice.)

So Money...oh, forget it.

If you are not employed, there is absolutely no reason (What. So. Ev-ar!) for you to be on the freeway. Your days should be like this: from 7am to 8am you should be sleeping. From 12pm to 1pm you should be in your PJ's watching daytime TV. By 5pm you should be drunk because this is how you cope with not having a job and daytime TV sucks. Shower. Sleep. Repeat.

(Drinking helps to cope with working too.) (Go figure.)

(Hey, I don't make the rules; I just--oh. I DO make the rules...but I can. I have a blog.)

Back to daydreaming...

\end rant.

2009 Trends stay the same...

2009-01-07T10:25:00.001-08:00

A week and a half off work and now I'm back! No wait- who put that exclamation point there? Really, it's a sad face and a cry out for some drink! (Spike my Starbucks with Baileys please. Thanks.) (They really should sell shots of Baileys though, right!) Today is actually day 2 at work. I was here yesterday but I wasn't here yesterday, y'knowat am sayin'?
I was hoping (kinda-resolutions…) that I would come back to the office and a mountain of sweets to climb would await me upon my return to the IceCubey to help me cope. Sure enough it was Everest but with twice the cold and minus the sweet mountains. So I guess it is more Antarctica than Everest.
Clearly, the cold has affected my ability to think properly. But I can type with gloves like a Champ! Oh yeah and my floor heater died. I [repress bad memories and] forgot all about work [as soon as I walked out the door] (coulda been the copious amounts of wine too-either way.) and my dire need to buy a new floor heater.
IceCubey – 2, S. – -5 and [frozen] solid.
I'm considering changing the name of this blog to "The Little Eskimo" (nickname at home) or "Hell Froze Over, I'm in It" or "Typing With Gloves" or "Brrrrrrr!" or "Warm and Fuzzy Don't Live Here" or "FrostBitten and Bitching" or "Fighting the Frost. & Losing." or "Fu-fu-fu freezing" or "The Cold is My Kryptonite" or something….but maybe (please, Please, Pleeeeeeze!!!) things will change in the summertime? (I'm wishin. And hopin'. And prayin'.)
I did get my Christmas wish though! We've had the heater since Christmas Eve (at home)! Yay! AND I got a new blanket. So (at 74) I'm no longer wearing a beanie and gloves but I AM still wearing 2 pairs of pants plus knee high socks and a pullover a longsleeve shirt to bed. I'm pretty sure I'm cold blooded.
My New Years was awesome though. Hit up a couple of parties. Our designate [*cough* *cough* drunk] driver got lost. Maybe she was feeling lady luck on her side because we was headed toward the casino. Between us and the casino-(dark) desert; and after the casino-(dark) desert. (She caught on and found her way- no casino. More wine money for us!)
But then there was the spilling,
(I need to invest in a sippy cup.)
I did not fall.
I did not puke.
I spilled.
I even spilled (red wine) on my friends shirt. He now has a red nipple on his blue shirt. He wasn't drunk enough to go with my foresight that it would be the new trend of 2009. Nor was he for my idea to spill red wine
all over to make the rest of the shirt the same.
His loss. You just wait. It's gonna be a trend. I'm convinced. (I convinced myself.)

Beds Got a Hold On Me Now

2009-01-06T06:31:00.000-08:00

MISSION: Sleep In My Own Bed, last night seemed an Impossible feat last night and now it is 6 in the morning and time to get up for work and I able to sleep now. Probably until a good and healthy 10 o'clock. ('good and healthy' only because I would be getting more than 4 hours sleep)

I don't wanna go to work. (wah!)

The snooze at this point is even scary, I'm pretty sure if I close my eyes again I will sleep through EVERYTHING, a marching band can march their marchety marching asses through my room and I would sleep like a baby, all snug as a bug in a rug.

*le sigh*

Okay, 'nuff o the stalling. Paychecks.

There is money that needs to be made and bills to be paid.

Sent from my [naked] iPhone

Couch Potato-ing the Day Away

2008-12-29T15:11:00.000-08:00

I'm a lazy ass in a food coma on day # ...uuh ...since the day after Christmas. (The Count can kiss it)

My goal of exercising on said food comatic days has been a big fat: FAIL. (pun intended. I'm clever.) I keep hoping that the thoughts will start counting (It's the thought that counts! anybody?) but, evidently (exhibit A being my ass) and much to my dismay food comas cannot be out thunk. Le sigh.

That's the goal for today: exercise. (Wish me luck. I need a double.)

Not to say that I've done nothing since Christmas. (wait-does drinking count?) Okay, I've done nothing.

Today, I did sign up for a Conversational Italian class! (Like how my subjects just flow together so seamlessly? No? I'll work on it.) (Maybe a writing class will make it's way onto the 2010 Resolutions list) I went to Italy last October and I've been dying to go back and, of course, learn the language. Step One: Learn Italian. I start January 23rd.

Check me out, all getting things done...(baby steps)

Death by Cold.

2008-12-23T11:19:00.000-08:00

Who sobs because they're cold?

Answer: Me. This morning.

True Story. My shower this morning could not get hot enough to warm my skin and relieve my aching bones and shivering muscles. Is it possible to get frostbite from the inside out. Bones first, then muscle, the organs and lastly, the skin? I'm pretty sure my bones are frostbitten. Possibly frostgobbled. When the frostgobble started chomping at my lungs all hell broke loose in the form of sobs.

Seriously. Who the eff sobs because they are cold?! (Don't answer this.)

Judging by my dramatic shower scene this morning, the cold is my kryptonite. And we're not talking like below zero, snow weather. No. We are talking 65 degrees Farenheit. That's all it takes. My mom seems to think that this is a comfortable temperature to keep the house at. Wrong. Dead wrong.

I thought she was trying to kill me this morning. In fact, she almost did kill me this morning. I just wonder what would inspire her to want to torture me so badly. I put the dishes away as she asked. We even bonded over a game of Tap, Tap Revenge.

Is she being a sore loser? I Tap, Tap too well and she's after Revenge? Once she asked me what's wrong and I screamed in agony between sobs that, "It's FUCKING COOOLD!!!" she realized her Revenge had risen to an unholy level and turned on the heat. She even warmed up my car for me.

This was very nice of her. She is forgiven. It was just a game. She knows this now. I just wish my body was not still feeling her Tap, Tap Revenge.

What the hell did I do at work that was so awful that here too I'm being tortured with my kryptonite? I don't recall Tap, Tapping the Tap out of them. My floor heater is keeping me alive for now but it is losing the battle. I'm gonna need something stronger and more powerful.

Fire! I need fire!

This may be against some type of building code though. (We couldn't even get a toaster oven in the kitchen. A fire pit? Turning my cubey into an oven? I'm thinking this may not fly.)

Best case scenario: I get workers comp.
I will draw up my will in the event of Worst Case Scenario. (Just in case. They're ruthless.)

Be careful out there all you Tap, Tap Revenge Champs. The non-champs do not take non-champing lightly.

I know Politics.

2008-12-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

I was totally gonna kick Obama’s @$$ and be the Prez because I didn’t want the White House to be painted black. (it’s true. I got the Forward.)

Painting the White House black would be a bad idea because then the Post Office would get all confused and the President wouldn't get his magazine subscriptions and then how will they know latest celebrity gossip? Exactly. Bad idea. You can't run the Country if you don't know what crazy antics Britney's up to. Or how much Nichole Richie wieghs. (Seriously, how is Nichole making it in magazines?)

But then I saw that I (as president) would have to dodge flying shoes and after playing Wii Fit Soccer where you have to do headers at the soccer balls (mind out tha gutter pleze. Thanx.) and dodge the Nike cleats and Panda Bear heads (Panda bear heads? Nikes? This may or may not be the objects you are required to dodge but this is exactly how I recall the event. Tequila may or may not have been involved.)

I failed at the headers.

I failed at dodging the shoes and Panda bear heads.

(My hula hooping, on the other hand, was GOLDEN.)

Granted, I was wearing heels, had a beer in my hand and my BAC% was: Tequila.

And as Prez when wouldn't I have a drink in my hand, be wearing heels and on a Pedastal?

The answers is: When I'm Sleeping.

On second thought.

The answer is NEVER.

(I'm the Prez. I do what I want. A portion of US taxes go to my Bar Bill and Shoes.)

But then I was kick @$$ in dodgeball as a youngster (!) but then I didn't wear heels had no relationship with Tequila. I'm thinking I'll just leave the Shoe Dodging to, well, pretty much anybody that is not me. Not me is key.

I’m not taking any chances. Foreign feet might smell real bad. I mean look at these Shoe Throwing Foreigners their hair all skraggaly-like. Hygiene does not appear to be high on their list of priorities. And niether is keeping up with the latest styles of shoes.

Or at least this is the picture I have in my head because I was getting ready for work (read: Basically sleeping and mostly on AutoPilot) and when I looked at the TV all I saw was Bush dodge to the left (or right? I was looking in the mirror-2/3rds asleep. I have no idea which way he dodged.) And I pictured the Shoe Throwers in the form of Osama Bin Laden.

Get me paintbrush, the White House is getting a Make-OVA! Obama, don't be nervous, you'll do great! I'll think about getting you Wii Fit for Christmas to help you practice. (It's the thought that counts right? Right.)

Can I get some Cheese with my Whine?

2008-12-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

So, it's raining bedknobs & broomsticks out. (SoCal. Our standards differ.) (Clearly.) This should have been my first clue that today was going to be One Of Those Days. I didn't catch on. I went to work anyway. Big Mistake.

Trader Joe's takes checks. Just in case you didn't know.

I had to ask since I seemed to have left my card case (with all my credit/debit cards) in my jeans from the other night. I realized this when I was looking for my drivers license and Insurance information to trade with the lady that rear-ended me! With all the bedknobs & broomsticks flailing about it's difficult to see how much damage the fender bender really caused, so far I've accounted for one scratch.

A Scratch!

(I'm tearing up over here...)

With nearly half my lunchtime gone and my stomach growling (it's a beast, lemme tell ya!) all I had was my check book (and an extra ID I keep in my car at all times. For rainy days. Like today.)

My love for credit cards was taken to another level today when I realized how convenient they are. Just swipe and sign. (I have stars in my eyes. It's love. I just know it.)

Checkbooks on the other hand...

With checkbooks you have to know things. Unimportant things like the date(!) and what store you are in (brain overload) AND THEN! You have to actually write out the amount you are spending. Twice. TWICE!! It's too much. And I got a paper cut.

Really though. What'd I do?! Is this Karma? I didn't completely cross the line with the guy that's practically married. Flirting is harmless right! And he started it! And, and...uh....alcohol isn't an excuse is it? Damn. I digress.

Lesson Learned: Never. Never. Leave home without a credit card. NEVER!

The universe was looking out though. When I got to work this morning: cookies and chocolatey brownie thingy's found their way to me. (No Way could I have survived lunch had I not been in a sugar coma)

But that's not all...

My mom turned on the HEATER!!! Hallelujah!! I did not need frostbite to top this day off.

OPEN! SESAMEEEEE!!!!

2008-12-12T09:34:00.000-08:00

Have you ever tried to open a regular door with your Car's Keyless entry instead of a key?

No?

Heh.Heh. Me neither.

Just checking.

Wait-Is this BAD news? You're sure?

2008-12-11T21:19:00.000-08:00

The company is cutting back. In a meeting yesterday we were informed that wages will be cut and yada-yada there will be cutbacks (just short of bringing your own TP to work).

WAIT! Hold the phones! WAGE CUTBACKS?! GTFO. The room is closing in on me.

Lucy! You got som splaining to do!!!

The company will be closing down for the holidays (From noon on Christmas Eve to the 5th of January) we will only be getting paid for the 2 holidays and can use our PTO time if we choose to do so.

Bad news? Sure my paycheck will not see 44 hours of pay. But it's all sunshine, sleeping in and silverlining from my starry eyed perspective. VACATION!!!! Yes. Pleze. Totally worth it.

He continues...workshare program. This is where our work week is cut to 32 hours a week. That's one day off everyweek. 3. DAY. WEEKEND!!! Woot! Woot!! Hello Peepole, this should have been done long ago! Really though. 5 days of work and 2 measley days off. Who's the stupid who came up with that Bad Idea? In yo face sucka! 4 days now. 3 days to play!

But that's not all. On that one day of the week that we are off. We get to collect unemployment. Sure, 8 hours of unemployment is less than 8 hours of work. But TOTALLY worth it! Did I mention that we'll be getting 3 days off a week? Just checking.

So after that terrible news I was smiling and skipping back to my desk from the meeting while the rest of my coworkers carried confused faces. I'm the math genius of the bunch. Clearly.

3 days off 32 and then a little hours of pay > 40 hours of cubey time.

No contest.

Robin Hood? You out there? Come hither!!!

2008-12-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

Be careful folks there are crooks amongst us. While reviewing my credit card statement (online-save a tree! Or a 1/100,000th of one tree...either way) I stumbled across 2 AT&T long distance phone calls that tallied to the amount of about 99 songs from iTunes. WTF?! This is highway robbery, if I ever saw highway robbery! I checked out previous statements for the same blasphemy and lo and behold 117 more potential iTunes songs. Those thieving Sons of Beaches. A grand total of $216.

This does not make me happy.

I called AmEx and called FRAUD ALERT on those Muthas so now I had to cut my credit card up *tear* and was issued a new one (whew!!). Luckily, they are going to overnight it.

I don't know how AmEx works as far as the Fraud thing goes but hopefully I'm not at a total loss of my $216.

I'm now signed up for Fraud Prevention (or something) for $29 a year.

A crook, crook here. A thieve, thieve there.

Here a crook.

There a thief.

And here I am a-broke! BROKE!

(Okay, I'm not broke but still....all the time on HOLD that I've spent....where's my samurai sword?! I have vermon to kill!)

I'm Making A List...

2008-12-07T09:16:00.000-08:00

Facts and truths.

(as I know them.)

When you don't want to eat your vegetables hiding them in your pocket is a bad idea if they are not dry. (true story)
Chopsticks are awesome.
I think I'm addicted to Pumpkin Pie. Seriously. Breakfast: Pumpkin Pie. Lunch: Pumpkin Pie. Dinner: Veggies because I'm full from snacking on Pumpkin Pie.
I like lists.
4 years of working in an office is killing my ability to sleep in. (It's Sunday and it's 9:30am right now. There is something terribly wrong about that.)
Christmas lights are the best thing. But they should do they're little blinkity blinks coordinated-like. When one side of your house is blinking crazy, speed freak fast and the other side is all lazy eye. That's not cool. If you do this: You're Fired.
Being witness to somebody's first taste of Wasabi is golden. Really though, why do they give out such a huge lump? It's so deceiving. And it looks like balled up Avocado. And they use Avocado in the rolls a lot. I think those Sushi Guys like to see people make a Wasabi mishap. Tricky fellas. Japanese are cool.
I want to be a Samurai Warrior. (I watched Kill Bill. Kill Bill inspires me.)
Cheating is still passing. (the lights on my 3-foot high fiber optic tree are coordinated)

Santa Baby, Hurry down the Chimney Tonight!

2008-12-03T12:44:00.000-08:00

Anybody who works in an office knows that kitchen cleanliness is always an issue.

There is always somebody who leaves their food in the fridge turning it into a science project, dirty coffee mugs left unwashed in the sink, coffee, creamer, crumbs & stuff on the counters. Explosions happening in the microwave leaving food all over the place....my office is no exception.

My soup exploded in the microwave today; on all 6 surfaces.

When other office employees see a mess they get all irritated and say something like, "Is this the way they are at home? Just leaving thier mess for somebody else to clean up after!"

Why, yes. Yes, it is.

As I was wiping it up the thought struck me that if I were at home I would not be doing this. (Yeah, that's right. Would NOT be cleaning it up) We have a housekeeper that comes, so on the rare occasion that something should explode or overflow in the microwave, I leave it. I'm a brat like that but she gets paid so everybody's happy (as far as I'm concerned).

Irma, I thank you for cleaning up all my microwave mishaps and making my house all sparkly and clean. I had to do it myself today. I did not enjoy. You're a champ. You deserve a raise (see: Mom).

Hopefully, Obama (and his team of highly paid professionals) can turn this economy so I can get a (BIG FAT) raise, a bonus, an office Christmas Party and an Irma at work.

Santa,

I've been pretty good this year. There's the list. Do your thing.

P.S. Please refrain from keeping "big fat" on my body.

P.P.S. Or if you just wanna get me a winning Lottery ticket, that would do too.

Vacation. Vacation. How I love thee so much!

2008-12-02T14:49:00.000-08:00

My 6 days off were awesome.

Our flight was at 6:30am on Wednesday so Tuesday night I (grudgingly) had to pack.

Hate.

Hate. Packing.

I tried to make the best of it so I put Michael on blast and dance partied it up! My mom and I were dancing it up and boogie-ing down! We had a blast! The packing, however…the packing did not get completely done. I was scrambling in the morning throwing ev-er-ey-thang in my suitcase that I could think of. (I did okay.)

Ontario Airport – dead.

An hour and a half layover at Houston Airport – dead.

Waiting in the Fort Meyers (FL) airport Chili’s for an hour – dead.

Biggest travel day of the year?

I’m thinking: no.

The media was mistaken.

Yesterday it was pretty busy though.

We had a Southern Thanksgiving at my mom’s boyfriends friends [vacation] home a few streets over.

Southern.

Southern accents. Souther food, complete with Greens, Fried Turkey (that’s right. That whole mutha effer was fried) and some homemade PeeCAN Pii. They were really nice “folks”. It was totally different from the usual T-day but it was way cool. And everything I tried (anything sans meat--I heard the Fried Turkey was mighty tastey though and I didn't try the pie--too full) was really good. (Fattening though. My ass did not appreciate this.)

We fished like everyday. I caught a Referee fish (read: Sheepshead but wtf, man! It was striped (last I checked sheep were fluffy not stripey, those fish namers are way animal planet challenged...and apparently there’s already a zebra fish so I called it a Referee fish) and a blowfish and a Blue Crab. Almost. The crab let go as soon as we (read: not me) was about to grab it. I saw it though, it was so freaking awesome and cool looking. I was stoked.

Fishing is fun. (And it goes hand in hand with drinking. Need I say more!) We fished in the harbor and it was totally Animal Planet live! We saw all kinds of fish (that we caught-they’re kinda shy), bunches of sting rays, different types of birds galore! It was beautiful and the weather was great. The last day it did rain and storm but it was cool since we don't get that much here in SoCal. And we saw a double rainbow. You can't beat that.

Flying Through Airports

2008-11-26T13:47:00.001-08:00

Who said today was the busiest travel day of the year? LIES. ALL LIES!

Sent from my [naked] iPhone

Vacation Rocks! But then there is packing. Ugh.

2008-11-25T18:28:00.001-08:00

My flight for Florida leaves at 3:30 in the A. M. (AM!!!)

I haven't packed a thing, I'm supposed to be doing this now.

I'm a procrastinator. Watcha gon' do.

I know what my mom is gonna do. She's gonna nag me into packing and I will grumble. And I will gripe. I will yell, "I hate packing!!" about 18 gadgillion and 9 times (this is an accurate number) whilst I stomp through the house (because this makes packing easier.) (I'm a good coper). And I will grudgingly begin throwing random stuff in my suitcase about 2-3 hours before we are suppose to leave (so that I can get 1-2 hours of my 9 hours of required beauty sleep) and hope for the best.

This is a vacation ritual. (it sounds better this way ha?)

Packing has to be--no. Packing IS. BY FAR. the WORST. part about vacation (next to leaving vacationland and having to unpack and go to work. Talk about a kill-joy.) and it's pretty hard for the spirit to drop when you know vacation is just around the bend.

6 consecutive days of non-work. (YEA BABY!!)
Friends and coworking hard-core hating because you get 6 days of non-work. (Bring on the hate! Give. It. To. Me! I'm loving it!)
Busiest travel day of the year. Long lines. 5 hours of sitting with minimal elbow space. (Got the iPod on standby, I'm ready for ya! Vacation. Vacation! VACATION! Woot! Woot!)
Packing.

**shutter**

Ugh.

I need inspiration. Vacation just isn't standing up to the dreaded packing.

This calls for Michael. P.Y.T, Thriller, Billie Jean...Oooo Weeee!

I'm off to stomp now. Let the stomping commence....

Ugh.

This is me in the eyes of a 6 year old

2008-11-24T14:27:00.000-08:00

I am pink. I wear a dress even when I don't. I wear my hands on my biceps (yes, these are my hands and not my biceps-I checked). I wear ucomfortable footwear. My mascara tends to clump on the left side. I am tall (I can tell because I am looking down). Vertical stripes are slimming.

Twenty Something Blogger

2008-11-23T12:11:00.001-08:00

I'm in!

Closet Blogging

2008-11-21T14:39:00.000-08:00

Everyday I go to work. I have an [un]exciting job. My daily highlights are e-mailing KOAM (self proclaimed King of all Mexicans--he nicknamed himself) & Dodger Drinks-a-ton and reading blogs. They're not men of many words. They e-mail me like a sentence or so and I reply back with a full (colorful) paragraph of purely random ridiculousness (complete with my own crazy-creation background). This (and Tapatio) is what spices up my day. I'm exciting.

KOAM started a blog in which he will blog his journey "from fat to fit" and going for his dream of fighting in the MMA. I'm the encourager. He asked me to write his About Me section and he also wants me to post 2-3 blogs a month on his blog. Done and done. I'm honored.

I ask him his progress on the blogging all the time. I recommend blogs to him. We talk blog. I encourage. Except now he has this crazy idea that I should start a blog.

No, crazy boy.

I'm a closet blogger. I'm keeping it that way!

Granted, should he stumble upon my blog, it's not so anonymous. But I still refuse to TELL him about it. I'm embarrassed or something. I don't really have good reason. He has this crazy idea that "it would be so interesting to read through your everyday life". He's trying to have me believe that I'm a good writer and I'm interesting. Sadly, Notsomuch. But he's a good friend.

That's what good friends do, they encourage (and lie to you to pump you up).

I didn't even start this blog with the intention of it being public. I started it because I just like to write and this way if I have internet access then I've got a place to lay down some thoughts (or rants & raves) so all I need is my trusty iPhone and I don't have to carry around a journal and pen. The public thing happened by accident. I set the availability to private and somehow it publicized itself. Leading me to believe that there is a ghost in my computer. Or maybe it's an omen or (dare I say it) a user error? (NO!) I'm going ghost. A cute one, like Casper.

I don't like lying but I really am very self conscious about my bloggy (I like using the word blog. Bloggy. Bloggish. Bloggity.) ways. So until he stumbles upon this piece of work and calls me out. I'm a closet blogger.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

(I just like saying that)

When Inspiration Hits...Just Go With It.

2008-11-20T13:57:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here working (work shmirk. reading blogs and texting), listening to my iPhone on iPod mode and then I hear this:

They told 'em don't you ever come around. hee-Ya!
Don't wanna see yo face you betta disapee-Ya!

That's right folks! Michael. Jackson. I immediately jump out of my chair onto my desk kick my leg out and grab my crotch, did some pelvic thrusts and starting singing at the of my lungs!

Doing the moonwalk atop the cubicle walls, snapping my fingers!

Like a champ!

Who's a Champ?

I'm a champ.

Everywhere A-Champ.Champ.

Okay, I didn't. But I wanted to.

(for the record: I'm still a Champ.) (What? Denial?! Where???)

It was like this surge of energy rushing through my body with the beat of BEAT IT!

Am I the only one who feels this when I hear some old school Michael? I'm thinking no. (lie to me-my blog, my rules).

Kreativ Blogger Award

2008-11-20T09:11:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged!

(By Jannelle at Through the Looking Glass)

So I will now list 6 things I am thankful for and then tag 6 more blogs to do the same. That's the name of the game (okay, the rules but name rhymes...)

6 Thankfuls in my Life....

My mom (cue: awwww...) Yup. This woman is AMAZING! (She did raise me afterall...) She taught me strength, independence, the importance of good credit (it's under-rated. Really mamas of the world, this needs to be learned), hard work and to always try and do what's right and follow your heart (**while not ignoring your brain** this is key. I would probably be lost in Italy or some foreign country, without a dime to my name or a clue on how I'm gonna get home if it hadn't been for that mass of grey matter occupying my skull). I could go on but I think you get it. She's amazing. period.
My family, of course, sometimes (read: most the time) they drive me crazy but (i lie to myself) and think this builds "character". They're loving, good cooks and are wildly fun and entertaining. Love 'em to pieces.
My friends (another, "duh"; but it must be listed). I don't have many but the ones that I do have: WOW! How did I get so blessed to be around such AWE-MAZE-ING people? Just lucky I guess.
My iPhone (it's true.) You bring me music (music, how I love thee...), the Internet (I'm looking at you google. *smooches*), crazy apps, Maps (seriously, I get lost ALL THE TIME), all the entertainment and answers to random questions that you give me.... I heart my iPhone (and all things apple. Including apples they're yummy).
All things warm (and functioning). Scarves, Hats, Coats, Gloves, Tea, Soup, Summer, the heater under my desk, Southern California (cuz, let's face it. It could be worse...Antarctica? No thanks.)all heaters anywhere and everywhere, fire places...fire....whatev. If you keep me from chattering teeth and frostbite: I love you.
Alcohol. (Yeah, I said it.)

TAG!! YOU'RE IT!!!

All these blogs (there's more but I'm limited to listing 6) are witty, sarcastic, clever, funny and all that other ooey gooey entertaining goodness. I'm hooked.

Thermostat Set at FrostBite

2008-11-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

Jeez, it's just one of those days. You know, when you hit snooze 13 hundred and 3 times and try and cut out as many things out of your morning routine as possible (while still being just burley presentable...) just for 60 seconds more or so of sleep. So that was me this morning.

My eyes are still trying to adjust to...well, being open. All signs point right back to cuddling up in bed. What? They don't? I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING! LALALA, LA, LA, LA.... You get my drift? How the heck do people pull themselves out of this little funk of a (sun is shining) gloom of a day? Whatev. It's almost 5 o'clock. Or 10am...but sometimes lying to myself just seems the better option. Is it too late to play hookey from work? Yes? Okay, fine but I won't sit here with a smile on my face! And I WILL just sit here! I'm a rebel. I'm living on the edge. Or not. But, hell whatever passes the time...

It doesn't help that it is freezing balls in the office! I don't even have any balls and they are frozen, frostbitten and hatin' it-that's saying something. I don't know what. But something. For sure. They are trying to frostbite my hoodie 'n chucks wearing ass (told ya, I'm a rebel--business casual Wha!) right out of the office and back to bed (yet another sign pointing back to bed). I'm convinced. I even have a heater under my desk. I made myself some hot tea. And I'm still cold. Brrrrrr....

I just finished "Triumph over the frostbite" attempt numero tres (that'd be "number 3" for the "green-goes"). Attempt number 1: Floor heater (it's still on...hey, I don't pay the electic bill...they obviously don't mind if they have the A/C on the "Frostbite" [read: 73 degrees] when there is clearly NO NEED! 78 is just fine. Thankya.). Attempt #2: Hot tea. (to no avail) and finally Attempt Numero Tres: Soup. It's Fabulousity. The little Progresso (light(! Of course) never will the attempt be: weight gain for more insulation) anyway, those Progesso cup thingy's that are microwavable are freaking awesome! The (office provided) bowls are not big enough for the whole can and I hate doing dishes so the ones in the cupboard are clearly, not an option. So the little microwavable thingy is PERFECTO MUNDO! And Attempt Numero Tres coupled with Attempt number 1 is totally working! Warmth. Golden.

What I don't get though is that the Nutrition info says that one serving is 60 calories and "about 2 servings" and THEN it says that the entire package is about 100 calories...math geniuses (such as myself) they ARE NOT. And we trust these people to count our calories?! Oh well. It was good and it worked. And I put Tapatio in it, so it's EVEN BETTER! Love the spicy. Tapatio and Soy Sauce are my ketchup and mustard. They rock. Salty Spicey goodness. Mmmmm...I'm warm now. Inside out.

Take that A/C! HAH! I win.

S.= 2 (cuz I'm warm and it's on thier dime)
The Frostbiters = 0.25 (cuz I hate being cold)
That's right! I'm beating the system one frostbitten finger at a time....

Weekend Rundown (in no particular order)

2008-11-17T13:21:00.001-08:00

Breakfast of champions: Doritos and a waffle with peanut butter. This is what happens when 2 momma's girls are left to fend for themselves... clearly, we took it like champs.

My iPhone case took it in the keester! <-- it just came out, I dunno. But yeah, I dropped my phone and my dark red, rhinestone adorned case is no more. *tear*

Who has a pretty little chandelier and matching lamp in their room?! It's me! It's me! FABULOUS!!!

Dude, America = the country that survives on all that is plastic, no? As in plastic cards. Swipe it, sign and VOILA(!) you just got got something new that you may or may not afford! I go to the swapmeet and swipe, I'm pretty sure the paleta man (Mexican dude with cart full of ice cream) take Visa or Mastercard. They giggled and called me cute in a dive bar in Visalia, CA (read: podunk town)for trying to pay for drinks with a card (cash is a thing of the past to me, like horse carriages and the idea that world is flat). The expression on my face once denied may or may not have contributed their amusement at the LA Girl (even though I live an hour away from there...inland, no less). RIDICULOUS.

Wii Fit is a freaking BLAST!! (Martini's, Patron shots and beers may or definately may have been involved. Don't judge. My Wii Hula Hooping is golden.)

My throat cannot handle 3 and a half hours of singing (off-key. That's how I do.) but, by golly I will still try! Twice. I just can't drive otherwise. Can't.

Sleeping in the bed of a married couple (whilst they sleep in the living room), I just couldn't bring myself to do it, it just seems...wierd. Just me? My cousin calls me crazy, I disagree. I just can't seem to think of an instance where I'd be comfortable with sleeping arrangements such as this. We ended up falling asleep watching a movie- slumber party styley.

It is November thus it is Fall. FALL! Yo, Sun! This is not your time to shine. Chillax sucka! I'd like to wear cute coats and scarves and hats and look forward for your return in the Spring! Kay?thanx.buh-bye.

I parallel park like a champ! (when drinking)

Sent from my [naked] iPhone

P.S. To podunk town or not to podunk town--never the question. It's all about the company you keep!

Cutting down my lunch hour....

2008-11-14T12:24:00.000-08:00

WTF! Trains should be banned from the tracks during the 12 o'clock hour! Hello conductors! Some of us only have an hour for lunch! 90 gazillion carts at like 5 mph UNCALLED FOR!! BANNED!! Baaaanned!!

Last cart. /end rant.

Sent from my iPhone

Saweet jeezus my hair is SHORT!

2008-11-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hockey & Hair.

2008-11-12T09:28:00.001-08:00

Went to the best hockey game (I've ever been to) last night! Fighting (complete with blood on the ice!), OT and then they went into a shootout! It's what hockey is all about! I'm not really into hockey but it was (almost) free and something about the word FREE makes things sooo much better! And am I the only one that thinks the half naked girls shoveling ice are out of their minds?! I had on jeans and a thick jacket and was cold! I can't help but wonder if shots of something or other (vodka, perhaps?) is part of their pay...

So today I'm getting my hair cut and colored. Today marks the day that my hair gets deflowered! *gasp* Yes, it is true that my hair is a virgin to hair dye... And it's already shoulder length so tomorrow morning I may not recognize myself when passing the mirror (hopefully in a good way *fingers crossed*). I'm nervous. In the fun way though, if I don't like my hair will grow and I can always dye it black....or buy a wig and lots of hats...I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I want it to be 6 already so we can get the show on the road... No freakshows though...

I'm excited.

I'm nervous. (catch onto that yet?)

I'm hungry....

Sent from my iPhone

Give me an Inch, I'll take a Mile...

2008-11-10T15:27:00.001-08:00

My weekend in a nutshell:

-Senior citizens and kareoke -Gay club and dancing (the gays get down!) -Drinking (it's the only way...) -BBQ (food, drink, Guitar Hero, Loteria, Hold 'em...oh my!) -Ghettofying my phone case with stickers cuz I love it too much to throw it away. And since my first attempt at salvation (KrazyGlue) failed, it was the only other option I could think of.

(Um. KrazyGlue. Thumb. Index finger. Yeah, you guessed it...)

OMG! And today at work, I got handed...

(brace yourself)

Work! Yes, that is correct. Work. So that means today I'm actually doing what I get paid to do. Wierd, I know. My heart skipped a beat when my Super handed me plans this morning. And then I opened and looked at them and wanted to hand them right back. It passed though. I got to working and actually enjoyed it (as much as you can enjoy WORK anyway). But that was before lunch. Now after a big lunch (Vons- that's right yet another day sans TJ's) and cheesecake to celebrate my co-workers birthday, I'm considering petitioning for naptime at the office... I'm pretty sure that there was a study done on employees being more productive with naps, right? Right? Hmmm... The slavedriver-esque Super may disagree.

(4 solid hours of work and now their slavedrivers...and I'm blogging right now...work to be done and I'm blogging.)

Whatev.

Who got to work 15 minutes EARLY today?!

Yours truly!

Yippey for me! Let's see if I can keep it up for the rest of the week! (BABY STEPS, mind you-a week is PLENTY.)

Back to work now...

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Mmmm...A Delish Dish

2008-11-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

The latest and greatest in food (new to me anyway) is butternut squash! 2 words: Yum. Meeee. Love it. Taste just like potatoes but less calories. I hear it's a pain in the daryaire (or however you spell that-symbollic of how hard the task is? Um. Sure.) to clean and peel and chop and stuff and let's face it I'm no Iron Chef plus I'm super duper lazy(!) so I bought it frozen (frozen veggies are definately the way to go). Put it in a pan and cook then add some eggbeater (and Montreal steak seasoning and cayenne pepper) and VWALA!! Tre magnifique! *italian finger kiss* You got yourself some scrambled eggs and potatoes for like way less than half the calories!

Delicious and nutritious! I should totally make my own recipe book. A Lazy-ass's Guide to Delicious and Nutritious! Well, the name needs work but that's small potatoes-the seed has been planted. I've proved my genius yet again. (just go with it, I'm a dreamer) and Hungry Girl already beat me to it. Whatev.

Realization.

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Boycotting

2008-11-07T18:54:00.001-08:00

I totally went a week without Trader Joe's. Do I dare go another week! We shall see... Vons showing some promise.... The downfall is they're a bit pricey...and I'm a penny pincher. And the economy non sto bene. (Italian meaning: not good. I'm pretty sure. I think.)

Crush Officially OVA!

2008-11-07T17:55:00.001-08:00

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaND killed it! Another picture. I spoke too soon. The crush is gone. Needless to say..I'm so not attracted to this boy. Remember the ignorance is bliss? Yeah. I want it back. Sure it sounds mean but I've already sent him one picture of me (smiling because in the profile pic I'm making fish lips-dorkiness. An endearing quality, no? Then he asks for ANOTHER right now. So I say, you first.

Got it. Truth hurts. I faced the music. Me no likey.

Uhgh. I should've known better when the boy had half a brain. And wit. Hot boys. They don't have this.

Forever single. They're either hott (WTF is hoyt? My phone keeps trying to put this instead of hott. Side note: look that word up) or they have a great personality (and of course this greatness is measured by how well they mesh with me because we all know that I am the center of the universe, right? Right? RIGHT?). So whatev. I got an e-mail buddy (until he gives up).

I'm gonna go drink my single forever ass under the table now.

Well, kinda/maybe anyway.

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Friday- The Official Non-Working Work Day (or should be)

2008-11-07T16:26:00.000-08:00

It's FRIDAY! Best work day of the week! (hur-ray for Fri-day!) so now that we've got that that little gem of a celebration out of the way, let's list all of the ways that today sucks balls. Umm. Yeah, right. How could it suck it's FRIDAY!! That's it. That's all I got. I'm making it to 5 o'clock on the fact that today is Friday. And hopefully it's not another Detour Day.

Stuck in traffic. I'm a multi-tasker, what can I say?

Dude, it seriously took me like twice as long to get home yesterday. Circles. AND in the morning taking Kaylee to school. I missed the exit. CIRCLES. Grrrrr.I'm not sure my voice can handle another day of detours or my speakers. I can only sing (offkey-cuz that's how I roll) at the top of my lungs (because, clearly, this is the ONLY way to drive) for so long. Not that it isn't liberating and totally worth it but, ya know, I like to complain. Clearly.I guess e-mailing Nick isn't so bad either...am i really developing a crush on a boy that I met through an app on my iPhone (WTF?)that I've been e-mailing almost nonstop for the past 3 days. Oh what fun I've had talking nonesense with this stranger. A sarcastic smartass. Just. Like. Me. Who'd a thought...It's nice to e-mail somebody whose on my level of nonsense-ity. (not a word--but it should be, yes?). Miguel and Jesse can only keep it going for so long. I guess they work or something. Clearly their priorities are out of wack. I mean, really. Work. WORK. WTF?

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Heaven help me it's lunchtime again

2008-11-06T11:56:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking about lunch since about 9 o'clock. Seriously. I have a problem, no? Hi, my name is Sonia and I'm addicted to Trader Joe's salad. Lunchtime has been a nightmare these past 2 days. No bueno. So I'm now considering NOT boycotting TJ's anymore since, clearly, I'm the only one suffering here. And they did say they would comp my next salad...(sans bugs, I hope.)

Okay, let's face it. I would have so been there yesterday if it weren't for my lack of better judgement (I'm still pinning this on the bug) in asking to speak with the cute raggamuffin blue-eyed boy that I attempted to flirt with. The phone call was strike 2. I suck at flirting. And typically come off as flighty. It's no wonder I've been single for so long. Although, admittedly I'm really in need of... well... I need to get LAID! A girl has got needs and this girls needs ARE NOT being met. So anyway, no Trader Joe's because of my lack of game and overall coolness? At this point what have I got to lose? I really doubt that I'll be blatantly pointed out and laughed at. Maybe behind the scenes, though...

Why do I care much? That's all ego baby. My ego makes me boring. Eff it! New motto: Let's give them something to talk about!

Scratch that. Too bold and fearless. (baby steps)

How about: Just think happy thoughts. Denial isn't so bad, right? I mean, don't I always say that ignorance is bliss?

We'll see... 5 minutes to lunchtime.

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I'm gonna be a Tia!! SQUEEE!!!

2008-11-05T16:38:00.001-08:00

How sweet is my Cis? She gets knocked up and then gives me and mom gifts! She got Mom this gorgeous Brighton charm bracelet, one of the charms is a baby carriage (aaawwww!) and another has 'grandma' engraved on it (double aaaawwww). And she got me a pretty little pearl bracelet with a little silver medallion on it that's engraved with 'Tia Sonia'!! It's adorable and I love it! (see previous post for pic)

I need to get her something really great but I don't know what! A book? I've been thinking about getting her a journal, she use to write a lot. I wonder now that she has no job if she would have more time for writing. I think it'd be really sweet if she documented her journey of having her first baby! Or maybe a blog would be better, more convenient. I dunno, back to the drawing board. Where did I put that thinking cap...

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My Tia-for-the-first-time gift :-D

2008-11-05T16:22:00.001-08:00

Lunchtime

2008-11-05T12:03:00.001-08:00

Lunchtime again. Gripe. What's a girl to do...

:-(

Stupid beetle.

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Something's Got to Give

2008-11-05T11:01:00.001-08:00

I think the time change effed up my alarm functions on my beloved iPhone (yes I'm aware that I'm way too caught up in my material possesions. What can I say but I'm a material girl and this is my material world). Anywho the last 3 mornings my alarmS have failed me. Or maybe it's fate telling me not to go to work anymore? Whatever Fate, I got bills. So I've been later than usual! And will not (for the umpteenth week in a row) get paid for a full 40 hours this week.

Sucks.

Something gotta give. Unexceptable. At this rate my job is sure to be in jeopardy by the end of the month. No bueno, my friends. No. Bueno. Oh yeah and I do need to actually start working all day instead of reading blogs, writing blogs and socializing via technology (living in my material world and all that).

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I turn over a new leaf! What? I was already late today, today is a lost cause. A last hurrah! Okay, not really but for sure tomorrow's word of the day is PUNCTUALITY!

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New Slogan?

2008-11-04T17:07:00.001-08:00

Tooting my own horn. Cuz if I don't, who will? Shall no horn go untooted! BEEP! BEEP! ;-)

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My First Stab at the Pumpkin

2008-11-04T15:43:00.001-08:00

Okay so get this; I'm 23 and this past Halloween, my 23rd Halloween was the first ever Halloween that I carved a Pumpkin! 23! That's ludacris! (as in unbelievably shocking to go 22 Halloween sans P-carving! Not "Move, Get out the way" rapper: Ludacris)

So I mentioned it Monday to my Mom after seeing my 60-something year old uncle's carved Pumpkins. Tuesday Mom comes home with Pumky and a carving kit in tow (cue: aaawww) (overlooking that the previous 22 Halloweens there were no of oversized orange veggies let alone sharp objects to poke at them with. Overlook...check.)

I immediately flipped through the design book and settled on a design of 4 ghosts with top hats, it was some pretty advanced stuff but I'm 23 and I was determined; overwhelmed with excitement, stars in my eyes (so to speak. Kinda.) and I wanted to start off with a bang!

Once I was on to the actual carving phase eyebrows were raised when I was still deadset on the 4-ghost design. It was ambitious but I had my Pumky, my tools, my excitement and, I had my game face on.

About an hour or so into the tedious carving, the stars left my eyes and I was wishing that I had picked a less ambitious design, a simple and SINGULAR ghost design, no top hat just ghost.

I perserveered and finished what I started. My Pumky was a beaut! Magnifique!

I am now a (self-proclaimed) Pumpkin Carving Extraordinaire!! Seriously, I have totally busted out my Pumky pic to like EVERYBODY! Sharing is caring, right? And you better believe I made sure that all the 5 (literally) trick or treaters that knocked on our door admired my handywork.

So here is my Pumky in all it's glowing glory! My proof that I can, in fact, be trusted with sharp objects...

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Lunchtime Blues

2008-11-04T12:10:00.000-08:00

Eek! It's lunchtime and I don't know where to go, they have the most scrumptious if salads at Trader Joe's...but sadly TJ's cannot be a lunchtime option any longer (see: The Bug. BUG! *shutter*). As long as my stomach turns at the thought of the Halloween salad surprise (holiday surprises are supposed to be for the better! WTF TJ's?! Didn't you get the memo?! And that's why you're FIRED! FIRED!) I'm boycotting the TJ's. Lunchtime just won't be the same. *sigh*

You will likely find me wandering aimlessly in the aisles of Staters in search of a delicious and nutritious meal that doesn't break the bank.

Be brave, I tell myself. Choose wisely.

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Weekend Rundown

2008-11-04T01:53:00.001-08:00

So here's the weekend rundown:

• I carved my first pumpkin • Found a bug in my salad. Bug. • Called a cute stranger. • Spent Halloween night in Urgent Care. • Helped Mom make Yeast Doodles. • Saw Changelings with Mom & Tias. • Cis announced she's preggers. • Went shopping at Ross. • Called in sick to work Monday.

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